She's JV to your varsity
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
