dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
