Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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