he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
