So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
