the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
