Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
