Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
