did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
