May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
