Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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