i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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