I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
