Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
