If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
