Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
