You can't special order awesome
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Vodka?
Forever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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