You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
