He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
