I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
