oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
someone owes me an orgasm
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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