Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
