I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
