So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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