i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
