She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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