Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
