Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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