Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
