Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
