Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
