Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
