YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
