I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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