so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's never too late to be topless.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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