Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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