CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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