if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
