i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
