So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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