end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
