i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i now understand why vodka
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
