God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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