Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
