my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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