Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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