Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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