I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Couch. On fire.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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