Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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