3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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