sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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