I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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