when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
