Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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