So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
