Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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