ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
