my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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